Unveiled... for real.

I'm writing this one so I don't forget.

Living at home again this summer has been a constant struggle. My parents are wonderful and I've never felt like I was lacking freedom or something like that; no that hasn't been the problem. The battle has been within me, and it's hard to explain without going super deep into the crevices of my mind and heart, which I'm not really willing to do on the internet. In a nutshell, coming home has filled me with constant feelings of inadequacy and aloneness. However, I feel like the Spirit within has been battling for me too, and Sunday something amazing happened.

I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior when I was eight years old at a Vacation Bible School. Being so shy and timid, I told my parents I would get baptized on the condition that I didn't have to walk down the aisle in front of the whole congregation. (Seems like it defeats the purpose of being free in Christ, huh?) Nevertheless, my love for Christ, though young, was real even if I couldn't proclaim it at the top of my lungs in front of bunch of grown ups. As years have passed, my love and faith grew, but I was still filled with doubt and hesitancy. It wasn't until college that I allowed God's love to consume me and mold me into a young woman who loves Jesus. This summer has been refining period. It hasn't been easy serving and loving others when I feel emotionally empty. It hasn't been easy accepting God's will, when I want mine to be done. It hasn't been easy accepting God's love, when I constantly feel unworthy, ugly, and hypocritical. It's been easy to fret on things that have gone wrong while planning events. It's been easy to allow my frustration with the people I work with to show. It's been easy to let go of taking care of myself and helping out around the house.

God reminded me on Sunday that His most important commandment is to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, and all your strength... and love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37-38 The guest speaker at our service said nothing especially profound. The music was the same as it always has been. But something in me changed. For the first time since I can remember they opened to altar to anyone who wanted to kneel before God and pray, worship, etc... My heart started pounding as the music played on, "I have decided to follow Jesus..." My head was racing and I thought about how I was never brave enough to walk down to the front as a child.

"Lord, I don't think I'm brave enough now. I'm still intimidated by these people who stand around me with their arms crossed and faces unmoved by You. "

"You are more than a conqueror in Christ. You have no reason to fear, my child."

Trembling, I slipped out from the pew, walked to the altar and knelt there alone. Tears of joy gently fell down my cheeks a I silently prayed for the undivided heart David asks for in Psalm 86. I don't remember how long I was there before I started to feel the presence of others kneeling and praying around me. Just when I didn't think my heart could be filled with more joy, God brought others who love Him to worship along with me. I lifted my head as I continued praying, "Lord you are more than enough... I praise you with all of my heart... I will glorify your name forever... I am NEVER alone with You, Abba Father."

...I walked back to my place in the pew, and an elderly man tapped my shoulder, "God bless you," he said. I blushed, said thank you, and turned to faced the choir once again.
Confirmation after obedience. God doesn't have to give it, but I love that He does.

Ten years after I was baptized, I walked down the aisle and boldly proclaimed Jesus as my Lord and Savior. It was such an amazing and humbling experience, I felt as if I glowed walking out of the sanctuary after the service. We took a few group pictures afterward, since it was our last Sunday as a Watershed Interns. My friend later said as he looked at them, "Jessie, you look so good in these pictures... like, you're so happy in them and it definitely shows." I couldn't help but laugh; I can only give credit to the Holy Spirit in me... I truly feel as if I were Unveiled, reflecting the Lord's glory.

God is so good. End of story.

I love my second summer family.

Sighing in the Rain

Sometimes it's as if God can take the most ordinary occurrences in life and make them most extraordinary.

Thursday had been rather uneventful, to be honest. We finished our last Watershed Girls Bible Study and I'd left a little disappointed because only one girl showed up. Walking to the church office alone, I ran into Jaymes and we started talking about one of the students in the youth group, which evolved into a discussion on not giving up on people, turning into how to balance love and justice as principles of witnessing. Leaving the office more dismayed then when I entered, I came to an abrupt halt at the end of the hall when I realized it was raining outside. *Heavy Sigh* The rain fell for about five minutes before I decided to make a run for my car. So I slipped off my shoes, opened the church doors to the awning and stood under its protection for a moment.

And then something came over me. The gentle mist, calmed me I guess, and rather than running, I began leisurely walking to my car in the pouring rain. Tossing my purse in the back seat and shutting the door, I looked up at the sky and smiled. The heat of the steamy asphalt contrasted nicely with the chilled pitter-pattering rain on my skin. The rain seemed to dance on my shoulders and my heart wanted to follow along. Instead I started singing softly, "Holy is the Lord, God Almighty! The earth is filled with His glory!"

I was truly in awe of God and how He reveals Himself to us through creation on a daily basis. Just standing there, I thought of how the lilies of the field are clothed so beautifully by God's hands and how He promises to provide for and love those who seek Him. (Gotta love Matthew 6) Though my clothes became heavy with rainwater, the worry on my shoulders was lifted and inexpressible joy filled my heart. *Whimsical Sigh*

Yes, because of a Perfectly-placed, ordinary summer shower, Thursday turned out to be quite a remarkable day :)

Reflections of the Summer Months

This summer, I've been blessed with the opportunity to serve as a youth intern for First Bapist Church of Conroe. Countless hours have been spent hanging out with and on my knees in prayer for the girls I've grown to love as younger sisters in Christ. It's been a blessing to see God work in their lives and mold them into beautiful young women in pursuit of God.

Filled with romantic thoughts and notions from reading Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, I want to share some ideas on a reoccurring theme and struggle I've encountered in my time here with the Watershed Student Ministry Team,... Yep. You've guessed it:
boys.

I've watched girls unashamedly throw themselves at uninterested boys who aren't even worth their time. I've witnessed girls carefully guard their hearts until "the one" boy comes along, only to throw it into his careless hands and watch it get crushed. I've seen girls in relationships that define their happiness, and friendships ruined because of a boy. I've wondered if girls have missed out on fully experiencing God at different events because their hearts and minds were focused on the boy. (It's easy to recognize each of these cases because I've been there and had to deal with the pain - it's not fun.)

Not that boys are the root of all evil in youth groups. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the different perspectives guys give on God's Word. I don't share the same sentiments as Elizabeth Bennet when she asks, "What are men to rocks and mountains?" We need guys to encourage and challenge us in ways that our girlfriends can't. However, it's been exhausting to watch helplessly as girls pursue ungodly relationships with boys on a daily basis. I can speak to girls as a group, or pull one aside and call them out... I've been talking, offering wisdom and giving encouragment until I'm blue in the face but here's what I've learned:
we learn from experience.

I don't know how many people read this blog. If you do, chances are, you know me pretty well and understand my heart on the subject. I've been reading a blog called Headspace by Christa Black that has been so encouraging to me as a young woman in pursuit of God. (http://christablack.blogspot.com) Her posts consist of vignettes of her life that consolidate into one amazing testimony. She didn't grow to love God more than the world because of what people told her about God; she fell passionately in love with Him because she experienced his love firsthand. My relationship with God has been encouraged, but not founded by what others have shared; I pursue Him because I have seen and felt Him pursue me!

So to you girls of Watershed Student Ministries (and anyone who stumbles on my little blog):
I love each one of you so much! My hope for you is that you will fall madly in love with God; to hand Him your weary, broken hearts and allow Him to heal and mold them. To pursue and experience the fullness of God, and trust that He has amazing plans for your lives. I promise He will not be the easiest alternative; our unseen God doesn't hold you or dialogue with you like human boys can, (trust me, I get this.) But I promise that no boy will die on cross for you, despite how you treat them. Even the chivalrous Mr. Darcy and his near perfect and gentlemanly pursuit of Elizabeth, cannot compare to Jesus Christ and his love for you. Girls, never have you been, nor will you ever be unloved - but you will never understand this by hearing it from me. I can't make you love God, but this is my prayer for you:

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3: 16-19

Thoughts from Inside the Curtain

I was washing the dirt and chlorine from hair, the effects of a long but fun day spent at Splash Town with a few girls from the youth group, when I began to reflect on the hour or so spent in the lazy river. I was amazed at the ease of floating with the current and the difficulty of trying to swim against it. My relationship, as of late with God, has been like the latter; fighting and battling with Him on many issues that would be better left to His care.

I desire to be patient but don't want to wait for "His timing" on guiding me towards a career.

I want to pursue Him, but long to be pursued by a man like Pride and Prejudice's Mr. Darcy.

I attempt to trust Him, but at the first sight of trouble, take matters into my own hands.

I want to serve Him and love Him, but end up serving things of the world and loving myself first.

Ah, but isn't that the beauty of our weakness and God's power? No matter how we fight against Him, God always reveals that His timing is best, God continues to pursue us, God proves His trustworthiness, and God never ceases loving us.

Showers are as emotionally cleansing as they are physically. The water was running a bit cooler, and I was toying with the idea of ending my time from inside the shower curtain when this little poem popped into my head. Hope you enjoy it.

I'll wade in the waves of forgiveness,

I'll swim with the current of grace.

You'll wrap me tightly in Your unending love,

And warm me in the light of Your face.

Often I Have an Orchestra in My Heart

Who hasn't been so overcome by emotion, that they do this? haha



I love Pushing Daisies. I hate that ABC cancelled it.

Beloved

A Poem Inspired by Ezekiel 16

"Beloved," He calls me to the shore.

What lies of the world have led me to this,
away from my Father's eternal bliss?

He clothed me in linens and jewels and gold,
yet I handed them over to be carelessly sold.

I ran from the love who made me clean,
who put a crown on my head and made me a queen.

Alone and afraid, I've surrendered to sin,
naked and filthy; broken within.

"Beloved," He calls me closer still.

A glimmer of hope I see in plain sight,
my King has come to make me pure white.

Calling me softly, I hear His sweet song,
that whispers He's been here all along.

With each step I take in this healing water,
I hear my Father calling me farther.

The soft rolling waves rush over me,
my sins wash away, now I'm free.

His voice echoes down from the sky above,
"Beloved, be still,"
and I
wade
in
His
love.

VBS Most Memorable

I was so busy playing grown up with the my group a VBS kids, I didn't get to take pictures until the last day but here are some tidbits of the memorable moments from the week.

Theme:
It all comes back to Jesus (Australian Theme)... I had to dress up as an Aborigine and talk with a (terrible) Australian accent. Good times making a fool of myself.

Biblical Focus:
Peter and his relationship with Jesus. It was AMAZING. (Basically, I love Peter!)

Best Snack:
We made dirt cake with Oreos, chocolate pudding, and gummy worms. The kids loved beating up the Oreos.

Best Craft:
Service project, the kids wrote/decorated encouragement cards to the leaders going to youth camp.

Best Recreation:
Playing human Pacman in the sanctuary, so fun!

Best Quote:
When telling the story of Peter being freed from prison by an angel in the book of Acts, we asked our fifth and sixth graders what they would do or where would they go if they were Peter after the angel left him. Our precious Megan, just as honest as she could be responded,

"I'd hide behind a garbage can."

Smelliest, Dirtiest, Grossest Moment of the Week:
Our fifth and sixth graders won the contest of who could bring the most shoes for orphans, so they were able to squirt ketchup and mustard all over the Children's Minister, Alexis... then when she was fully covered in condiments, she attacked me. It was so gross but so funny.